six

I am in my parents bedroom, unwrapping Christmas presents. It's their old bedroom in the house we used to live in when my Dad was still around. My ex is there, but my ex looks like Mozart. My Gran is there too, but I guess my parents must be downstairs or else out at a friends. My ex keeps on asking me why I am there but he is doing it in such a roundabout way that I am not really sure what it is he's asking. I open a jar of sweeties. My Gran explains what it is my ex/Mozart is trying to say to me and I say, 'where else am I supposed to go?' as I play with the light-switch on the bedside lamp I have just unwrapped. I want to kiss my ex/Mozart or for him to kiss me, but I play with the lamp instead.

I think about this on the bus to work. I think it’s weird. Not because of my ex/Mozart or anything, but because it’s in our old house. I didn’t know my ex or Mozart when we lived in our old house. I was 9 when we moved out.

My ex was into interpreting dreams; I couldn’t care less to be honest. I think they’re interesting of course. It’s fun thinking about the fucked up stuff that goes on in your head that you don’t really ever have any control over, but I think trying to give them a meaning is just pointless.

My mind is everywhere. Mozart keeps on coming into my head like an endless chorus to a cheesy pop song. I try and focus on other things like the other people on the bus, but then suddenly my mind will spring back to thinking of a way to confront Mozart.

When I get to work the place is packed. One of the other waiters tells me that there’s probably a wedding or business conference on, but I think this is just a guess he has made.

I don't have time to accept Mozart's nods until the lunchtime crowd has subsided. I have brought sandwiches with me today and I take my break in the garden area that backs onto the car park. I eat my sandwiches quickly before going back in to confront Mozart, thinking the reason why my stomach feels weird is because I am hungry. When I get back to the kitchen Ant is shouting at Mozart because a plate isn’t clean. Mozart looks at the plate patiently, like Ant is explaining some mathematical equation.

I go to the walk-in freezer and look through the stacks of meat and fish. It all looks like lumps of flesh and then I laugh because that is exactly what it is. I am laughing out loud when Ant walks in. He looks at me and I turn red.

'Did the tuna tell you something funny?'

I ask him what he was shouting at Mozart about. He tells me to go and suck him off if I feel so sorry for him. I tell him in a calm voice to go and fuck him self. I look at the frozen salmon lying on the shelf. Ant is silent and looking at me. I look at him and his eyes are on my breasts. He asks me if I am feeling cold and then gives me a smirk. I try to walk past him and try to walk out of the walk-in freezer. He grabs my wrist and pulls me round. I turn quickly and use my force to try and push him away but instead I end up falling over backwards and hitting my head on the back of the solid door. I rub where I hit my head before trying to get up. I get to my feet and realise there is blood on my hand. I don't remember what happens after this.

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